Soooooo I come downstairs for my ritual morning news watch only to find the channel is on VH1 and Live Soul is on....Trey Songz' "Say Aah" starts! Lol Happy Birthday, Court!
FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
FREEDOM RIDE…because I want to be SO FREE from this RIDE!
SOOOO this morning...bus crowded as shit. I’m standing in the front by
Mr. Driver...who I still don’t know his name, mind you; but we talk every
Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday. Those are the days he drives my route.
At any rate...he says, while he's driving:
"Well look at you...I see you're showing those pretty legs today"
"Huh? what? Oh, thanks." ...def had earphones in.
People need to get off the bus from behind me, so I move towards Mr.
Driver....he goes: "Hmmm stand closer to me..you can stand closer...stay
right there" ..then kind of laughs when I move back to my spot.
THIS MAN'S WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS FREAKIN FRIDAY,
SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only know this because we had this conversation months
ago about how my birthday was the same day! He’s only a year into his
marriage…God, help his wife.
At this point, I know I gotta find a spot in the back of the bus. Lucky me,
someone yells: “Back door!” There’s a free seat.
That's not the "The End" though.
Other people start to move back into the bus to make room for the damn Million
Man March that's getting on at the next stop.
Now, picture this: there's a drunk beside me...and a girl, her baby and her baby daddy on the other side of me.
Youngin’s.
This new man slides down the aisle and ends up in front of me. Both hands up in the air holding onto
the metal rail above him...his thing is in my face.
LORD HAVE MERCY.
PLEASE.
I have NO scenery to look at other than this man's crotch because I can’t stare
out the window because my back’s to it! …or look to either side of me for
too long with out staring at someone else...and I hate when people stare at
me. Ugh!
I have no choice but to look forward…And this fool is looking down at me! I hear all kinds of pornographic phrases that he could be saying about me in his head in my head...while I try and grin awkwardly. Im thinking: "God, get me through this bus ride." I might've said Allah...you
know, im Muslim now after reading the last 3 novels I’ve read lol That’s another story in itself.
Ok, I’m back...ahem where was I? oh yes...crotch in face. HA!
yes...he looking at me, im looking at him...then I notice that his fly is open.
SHIT.
Immediately I start to wonder if the bastard has on any underwear. I hope he does. All the while I’m thinking.."please, please, please stay in...please stay in" ..his thing. I know I’m making some sort of face at this point. lol
I know I am.
Then all of a sudden my thinking changes to: "this would really make my day if his thing DID fall out" lol
"please, please, please fall out"
So my frown turns upside down and he notices. He smiles back...ummm I
look away.
I'm tired of saying him and he; Let’s call the bastard....uhhhhhh Ellis! Yea, I like that name.
Ellis asks: “This your stop coming up?"
I couldn’t speak...laughter was on the tip of my tongue. All I could do was shake my head no. Guess that was the answer he was looking for because he definitely proceeds to reposition himself with his legs a little more open...you know, get his stance right.
At this point, the girl with the baby looks at me, I look at her...we both shake our heads…cause she know. None of the guys notice this exchange of nonverbal communication, of course.
- PAUSE - Question: WTF do guys notice? I mean, for real! They never notice the shit they're supposed to, nor do they catch the hints they're supposed to. Somebody please tell me, please.
Anywho, back to the story, I really wanna say at this point: "can you please get your
THING outta my face! I mean, DAMN! Turn to the side or some shit!"
I try and muster up the courage to do so.
I found some from somewhere...the bus is violent again…I get this gut feeling that this whole situation can not be good...lol
I go to poke his leg...then i stop myself. What happens if I poke Ellis’ leg and poke his thing?!?!?
But you know, Reader, I don’t even care anymore. It would be funny...and then again my thinking changes to: I hope I poke his thing. It would definitely
make my morning! I could tell my sister and all my junior staff co-workers
about Ellis. Yep. I’m gonna poke Ellis!
So now, I have all this courage, I have my speech together, Im ready!
I poke him in his upper thigh...
…he looks down at me with a smile...
...i put on my grit face...
…and i say, while pointing: "your fly's open."
WHAT?!?!?! YOUR FLY'S OPEN!?!?!? FOR REAL, COURTNEY, FOR
REAL?!?!
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Arrrggghhhhh!!!!
He then says: "hahhaha oh shit! im sorry miss lady...and i got my junk all
in your face...what a way to start the morning, huh?" <-- he's shaking his
knees and zipping his pants while saying this. IN MY FACE! STILL!
I literally put my hand on my forehead and shook my head.
Next stop is mine...I exit, stage left.
Mr. Driver...who I still don’t know his name, mind you; but we talk every
Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday. Those are the days he drives my route.
At any rate...he says, while he's driving:
"Well look at you...I see you're showing those pretty legs today"
"Huh? what? Oh, thanks." ...def had earphones in.
People need to get off the bus from behind me, so I move towards Mr.
Driver....he goes: "Hmmm stand closer to me..you can stand closer...stay
right there" ..then kind of laughs when I move back to my spot.
THIS MAN'S WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS FREAKIN FRIDAY,
SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only know this because we had this conversation months
ago about how my birthday was the same day! He’s only a year into his
marriage…God, help his wife.
At this point, I know I gotta find a spot in the back of the bus. Lucky me,
someone yells: “Back door!” There’s a free seat.
That's not the "The End" though.
Other people start to move back into the bus to make room for the damn Million
Man March that's getting on at the next stop.
Now, picture this: there's a drunk beside me...and a girl, her baby and her baby daddy on the other side of me.
Youngin’s.
This new man slides down the aisle and ends up in front of me. Both hands up in the air holding onto
the metal rail above him...his thing is in my face.
LORD HAVE MERCY.
PLEASE.
I have NO scenery to look at other than this man's crotch because I can’t stare
out the window because my back’s to it! …or look to either side of me for
too long with out staring at someone else...and I hate when people stare at
me. Ugh!
I have no choice but to look forward…And this fool is looking down at me! I hear all kinds of pornographic phrases that he could be saying about me in his head in my head...while I try and grin awkwardly. Im thinking: "God, get me through this bus ride." I might've said Allah...you
know, im Muslim now after reading the last 3 novels I’ve read lol That’s another story in itself.
Ok, I’m back...ahem where was I? oh yes...crotch in face. HA!
yes...he looking at me, im looking at him...then I notice that his fly is open.
SHIT.
The bus ride becomes terribly violent...bumps and curves, curves over bumps...abrupt
stops..I mean really!
Immediately I start to wonder if the bastard has on any underwear. I hope he does. All the while I’m thinking.."please, please, please stay in...please stay in" ..his thing. I know I’m making some sort of face at this point. lol
I know I am.
Then all of a sudden my thinking changes to: "this would really make my day if his thing DID fall out" lol
"please, please, please fall out"
So my frown turns upside down and he notices. He smiles back...ummm I
look away.
I'm tired of saying him and he; Let’s call the bastard....uhhhhhh Ellis! Yea, I like that name.
Ellis asks: “This your stop coming up?"
I couldn’t speak...laughter was on the tip of my tongue. All I could do was shake my head no. Guess that was the answer he was looking for because he definitely proceeds to reposition himself with his legs a little more open...you know, get his stance right.
At this point, the girl with the baby looks at me, I look at her...we both shake our heads…cause she know. None of the guys notice this exchange of nonverbal communication, of course.
- PAUSE - Question: WTF do guys notice? I mean, for real! They never notice the shit they're supposed to, nor do they catch the hints they're supposed to. Somebody please tell me, please.
Anywho, back to the story, I really wanna say at this point: "can you please get your
THING outta my face! I mean, DAMN! Turn to the side or some shit!"
I try and muster up the courage to do so.
I found some from somewhere...the bus is violent again…I get this gut feeling that this whole situation can not be good...lol
I go to poke his leg...then i stop myself. What happens if I poke Ellis’ leg and poke his thing?!?!?
But you know, Reader, I don’t even care anymore. It would be funny...and then again my thinking changes to: I hope I poke his thing. It would definitely
make my morning! I could tell my sister and all my junior staff co-workers
about Ellis. Yep. I’m gonna poke Ellis!
So now, I have all this courage, I have my speech together, Im ready!
I poke him in his upper thigh...
…he looks down at me with a smile...
...i put on my grit face...
…and i say, while pointing: "your fly's open."
WHAT?!?!?! YOUR FLY'S OPEN!?!?!? FOR REAL, COURTNEY, FOR
REAL?!?!
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Arrrggghhhhh!!!!
He then says: "hahhaha oh shit! im sorry miss lady...and i got my junk all
in your face...what a way to start the morning, huh?" <-- he's shaking his
knees and zipping his pants while saying this. IN MY FACE! STILL!
I literally put my hand on my forehead and shook my head.
Next stop is mine...I exit, stage left.
Welcome!
OK, soooooooo. This has been a long time coming.
SERIOUSLY.
Thanks to all who encouraged me to put my adventures on paper, well internet, for the world to enjoy; thanks to those who inspire me to write, something I really enjoy doing and am damn good at it I might add. LOL; and finally thanks to those who BELIEVE in me.
I'm sure you'll be entertained by my posts, educated by my posts, but most of all, Reader, I want you to laugh...at my expense.
You're welcome, thank me later. -- OR PAY ME, shit!
Peace.
SERIOUSLY.
Thanks to all who encouraged me to put my adventures on paper, well internet, for the world to enjoy; thanks to those who inspire me to write, something I really enjoy doing and am damn good at it I might add. LOL; and finally thanks to those who BELIEVE in me.
I'm sure you'll be entertained by my posts, educated by my posts, but most of all, Reader, I want you to laugh...at my expense.
You're welcome, thank me later. -- OR PAY ME, shit!
Peace.
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